Well now I’ve done it.

I got a girl pregnant.


Luckily the girl is my wife and this was all planned.

I know what you’re thinking! You’re thinking “Brett, how boring! Everybody knows that the hot new trend in babymaking is to have a bastard child first, then worry about getting married later.” And indeed, you would have a point. I know many of these people, and their bastard children too. They’re good people. But that method just wasn’t gonna fly with me. Call me old fashioned.

When we first got the news a mild panic set in and a million questions big and small ran through my head: Who would stay at home? Who would keep working? Wait, we can’t live on one income what am I thinking? We’ll both keep working. But our house is too small for kids. Let’s look at new houses. Hey, these are nice houses for sale over here! We can’t really afford to move, so what do we do? Spammers make easy money, maybe I could look into that. What about that HDTV I’ve been saving for? What happens to that? Disneyland passes are going to get more expensive. Oh wait, I can take the kid to Disneyland! I already know where they keep diapers at Costco, so that’s one less thing to worry about. There sure are a lot of hard edges and corners on all this furniture. I bet a baby finger would totally fit inside that power outlet – that’s not good.

We eventually decided to sit tight at least until the baby’s born and things settle down. Then we’ll go house hunting again for something better suited to raising kids and take a look at the whole job/income situation.

We’re just in the beginning of the second trimester now and so far everything’s checking out a-okay. Our due date is in early February.

There sure are a lot of doctor visits involved when you’re pregnant. So far I’ve seen a doctor put things up my wife’s hoo-ha twice, smoosh her boobs around once, and I’ve seen the alien growing in her belly on an ultrasound machine twice. I think it’s a girl. Tammy thinks it’s a boy. We’ll see.

We’re going to spend these last few months enjoying what’s left of our quiet, childless lives, because come February things will never be the same again.

Leave a Reply