Meet Alli.


Alli is the very first over the counter diet drug to ever gain FDA approval. (Alli is a lower-dose of the prescription diet drug Xenical.) It just hit store shelves a short time ago. I saw it at the grocery store yesterday, in fact.

Alli works by blocking your body’s ability to absorb roughly 25% of the fat that you consume. Sounds normal so far, right? Well check out these super-awesome side effects:

  • gas with oily spotting
  • loose stools
  • more frequent stools that may be hard to control

That fat needs to go somewhere, right? If you take Alli you can expect it to dribble out of your butt uncontrollably.

Here’s some helpful advice from MyAlli.com that I swear I didn’t make up. They refer to side effects as “treatment effects”:

“Pick a day to begin taking alli, such as a weekend day so you can stay close to home if you experience a treatment effect.”

“While no one likes experiencing treatment effects, they might help you think twice about eating questionable fat content.”

“Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it’s probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work.”

Diet and exercise take the fun out of living. Someone needs to make a magic diet pill that doesn’t cause anal leakage!

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