We saw Revenge of the Sith over the weekend. It was definitely the best of the prequels, but it still wasn’t as good as the three original movies.

The dialog was unbelievable – literally. George Lucas, please stop writing scripts. The diction and formality of everything was over the top. Nobody talks like the people in the Star Wars prequels do – not even the people in your original Star Wars movies!

When a wookie flew into the scene on a vine and does a goddamned Tarzan yell, I wanted to stand up and yell “Bullllll SHIT! Who made this movie!?”

There wasn’t a single non-CGI droid in the entire film – excluding C3P0 and R2D2. My favorite part about the old Star Wars movies was seeing all the scary looking droids that made terrifying motorized sounds when they moved and gave you nightmares. Remember all those half-assembled droids on the jawas’ sand crawler? Of course you do – that’s because they were believable and if you’re anything like me they scared the shit out of you. But these stupid CGI ‘battle droids’ and from the prequels? Their movements are unnatural and unimpaired by silly things like ‘gravity’ and ‘wind resistance’, they look like they’re made of plastic, they’re dumb as rocks, and any motors that may be powering their joints are completely silent.

Honestly, if I saw an RA-7 or a Power Droid (from the old movies) coming towards me, I would get the hell out of the way. Battle droids and other CGI creations are not scary in the least.

So yay, at least this is the last Star Wars movie ever. I don’t know how much more scarring my pleasant childhood memories of Star Wars can take at this point.

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