A brief rundown on the current Iraq situation.

Gulf War ends

World Trade Center goes down

President says “Anyone making nukes is bad, and we’ll take all them suckas out. That means Iraq too, bitch!”

Iraq’s all “Where did this come from? You beat us down less than ten years ago. We’re clean!

World says “WTF is wrong with you, America? Iraq hasn’t hurt anyone since the Gulf War. Is it a crime to possess nuclear weapons or something? We don’t even know that they’re making nukes to begin with!”

America’s all like “We have proof! It’s secret proof, but we’ll show it to Britain.”

Britan’s all “Yup, seems good to us!”

(North Korea reveals they have nuclear weapons program. America somehow does not notice.)

The UN’s like “Ok, we’re gonna shut you up, Bush! We’ll send in some inspectors, just don’t go attacking anybody yet ok?”

President Bush goes “What the…you can’t do that! We’re America! We’ll do what we want when we want! You can talk to the hand, biatch! But we like the perks of this UN thing, so we’ll just lower our weapons – for now – as long as the inspections are on our terms!”

UN goes “FINE. Done! Now shut up and go away!”

Inspections go on. Nothing (yet) is found that could be used to assemble a nuclear device.

America ships thousands of troops to the Gulf “just in case.”

Saddam sees troops coming and pees his pants. He’s all “God damn. What’s it gonna take? We don’t have anything! How many times do we have to say it! These guys are frickin’ nuts!”

Iraq does everything humanly possible to avoid any kind of armed confrontation with the United States:

* Iraq fully complies with the UN resolutions and gives inspectors full and complete access to the country.

* Saddam issues international apology for invading Kuwait at the start of the Gulf War.

* Iraq releases 11,000 page document to prove it’s on the up-and-up.

President Carter says publically that as long as Iraq continues to cooprate, there is no need for war.

President Bush continues to move more troops to the Gulf area.

So that’s my take on the whole situation. I probably got some parts wrong because I get most of my political news from network television and hippies on NPR. Anyway, no matter what happens with the inspections, I’m pretty sure that President Bush will figure out a way to launch an assault against Iraq and piss off the rest of the world in the process.

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