It’s the end of the day and a guy calls his wife to tell her he’s going to hang out at a bar with some guys after work.
“Okay, but you better not start drinking again! I don’t want you out all night drinking!”
The guy agrees, but goes to the bar anyway and gets loaded. He throws up all over himself and turns to his buddy.
“My wife’s gonna kill me. Look at this. What am I gonna do?” His buddy says “Hey, don’t worry. Tell her I threw up and you were in the way. Put a $20 bill in your shirt pocket and say it was from me to cover the dry-cleaning.”
The drunk guy looks at his buddy and realizes that this is a perfect idea, so he does exactly that.
When he gets home that night, his wife is up waiting for him. “Look at you! You’re a mess! You drank too much again, you stupid bastard!” The guy goes “No, no! I just had a Coke. Joe threw up on me and gave me some cash to cover the dry cleaning. There’s a twenty in my shirt pocket.” His wife reaches into his pocket and takes the money.
“There’s two twenties here,” she notices.
“Oh yeah,” he says, “He took a crap in my pants too.”