Step 1: Find a Chuck E Cheese that’s going out of business.
Step 2: Convince the manager to sell you the audio animatronic show figures. If it’s a Chuck E. Cheese’s you’ll probably end up with the “Pizza Time Players”. If it used to be a Showbiz Pizza Place before the buy-out, you’ll get the Rock-Afire Explosion.
Step 3: Bring home your new toys and set them up in your garage or basement.
Step 4: Reprogram them to do whatever the hell you want.
Step 5: ??
Step 6: Profit.

I’m going to a bachelor party this weekend. I’ll be on a houseboat on Lake Mohave on the Nevada/Arizona border for the next three days with a dozen strangers!

What can you do on a houseboat? Jetski and wave-running, of course! Those are fun, sure, but why stop there?

Having never fished before, I decided that this would be the perfect opportunity!

With temperatures in the 110 degree-range I think sitting and staring at a pole with gin in one hand and water in the other seems like a wise move. I will be fully clothed, however!

I picked up a POS $25 fishing pole at Target and even bought a two-day non-resident Nevada fishing license online to keep it legal.

I am totally pumped. You might as well start calling me The Fish Master right now because I’m going to fish the HELL out of that lake. The latest reports say I’ll be catching catfish and striped bass.

And catch them I shall. For I… I am The Fish Master.

I might eat them! Or I might just throw them back. Depends how gross the whole this whole process turns out to be.

This is a gross video, and in most cases is probably not work-safe. It does not contain nudity.

This video has inexplicably been the subject of much discussion and debate here in the office for the past week or so. We keep trying to put it behind us, but it is increasingly becoming a hot lunchtime conversation topic.

We can’t decide if it’s real or not.

“Real” arguments:
* That guy’s reaction is friggin’ priceless.
* When the girl stands, her legs/knees are brown-tinted after coming out of the water.

“Fake” aguments:
* The brown cloud appears uniformly and far too quickly.
* Why is the girl squatting in a hot tub to begin with?
* The black girl freaks out slightly before any evidence is visible.
* The other white girl smiles as she makes her exit.
* It’s a video on the Internet.

I wish I had an answer for you on this but I don’t. Snopes doesn’t have anything on it either. Not since the Zapruder film has a video been so carefully watched, rewatched, and analyzed by such a large group of people.

And so the debate rages on.

Bomberman Live comes out tomorrow!

If you’ve still got the rancid taste of Bomberman Act Zero in your mouth, fear not! Hudson has gone back to the tried-and-true original Bomberman formula for this $10 download.

Here’s a “making of” video in which the developers all but apologize for Act Zero and promise to deliver on classic Bomberman gameplay for the hardcore fans!

The iPhone is a piece of shit, and so is your face.

True or not, it may be the funniest thing you’ll read today.

Well I’ve watched the E3 press conferences from the big three console makers so you didn’t have to, and here are my thoughts in no particular order!

Microsoft

- 50 cents of every dollar spent on game consoles, games, or peripherals goes to the 360.
- They seem to be really pushing the downloadable movies and TV shows, which I really don’t care too much about!
- Halo 3 looks a little bland but will sell millions of copies and break all kinds of records. Too bad I don’t really like FPSs.
- A ton of great looking downloadable games are coming to the Arcade. Spyglass Board Games, Bomberman Live, and Switchball all look super sweet.
- Assassin’s Creed has come a long way since last year’s E3. The framerate has been bumped waaaay up and now I’m really looking forward to it.
- Just like last year the 360 marketplace is now full of downloadable demos (hello Blue Dragon!), new XBLA games, and new game trailers released at the show in HD. New content will be released every day of the show.
- RedOctane released another overpriced Guitar Hero II song pack last night hoping no one would notice amid the hubbub of all these other announcements.
- G4′s live coverage of this was horrendous. They’d cut away to commercials (?!) only to come back in the middle of a trailer. They’d start showing trailers and gameplay using the direct feed, then in mid-scene they’d switch to a camera positioned at the back of the theater and you wouldn’t be able to see anything. Pretty aggrivating.

Nintendo

- Nintendo hardware sold is a 50/50 split between Wiis and DSs. The Wii is coming close to matching and overtaking the 360 in total sales to date. If only they could put enough on the shelves…
- Zelda on the DS looks interesting… Some of these Nintendo franchises are getting beat to death, though. I’d like to see more original first party titles and less reliance on old classics.
- The Wii Blaster, Wii Wheel, and Wii Balance Board are more gimmicky peripherals that you’ll have to find a place for when not in use.
- Still no wireless nunchuck! Come ON!
- Nintendo’s online strategy for the Wii continues to be lame. There’s no plans to create any kind of easy to use global matchmaking system.
- Mario Kart for Wii will support online multiplayer.
- Super Mario Galaxy on the Wii doesn’t look like any Mario game I’ve ever played. I’m optimistic though!

Sony

- The PSP got a hardware refresh! It’s a little slimmer and lighter. Big whoop. Still not easily portable. Same weak games.
- Some ‘full retail’ games will be available on both Blu-Ray or as a download. Given the option, I’d rather own a disc than have to rely on some outside network to be online forever to have access to the content I’ve paid for. It’ll be interesting to see which option is more popular with consumers.
- Echochrome looks like a neat puzzle game, but if I had spent $5/600 on a PS3 I dunno man… Stick figures?
- The PS3 is the system to own if you like first person shooters. There are tons coming.
- British people prounounce ‘beta’ like it rhymes with ‘cheetah’
- PlayStation Home really does look cool. I hope it gets cloned on the 360.
- Drake’s Fortune from Naughty Dog looks stupendous. I would expect nothing less from those guys!
- Overall this was a pretty long and dry presentation. I might just have been weary from sitting through the other two though.

There weren’t really any big announcements from anyone this year. It looks like E3 2007 is all about software and that’s just fine with me!

The Missus and I hit up Disneyland last night for dinner and a ride on the new subs. I took some pictures with my neat new phone!

The ride’s pretty neato, but I wouldn’t plan a trip to the park around it. It kind of moves too fast for you to really appreciate everything that’s going on around you.

But hey, howabout them there 2 megapixels eh?

I almost forgot to post this. Here’s a picture we took in Kusadasi.

Kusadasi was full of places like this, but so was Istanbul.

This is why Turkey will never be admitted to the EU!

At some point in the past few months I got it in my head that I’d like to own/wear a vintage Rolex watch. I like the styling on older Rolexes more than the stuff they’re selling nowadays. Plus vintage watches often come from estate sales, so I’d be able to stare lovingly at my new timepiece wondering what it must have been like to pry it off some rich dead guy’s wrist.

The problem with Rolexes is that they tend to not lose their value over time. In fact restored vintage Rolexes usually cost just as much (or more) as present-day models.

I’m not looking for fancy chronographs or what have you. Just something simple and dignified to make myself feel more important than I am:

While in Turkey last month I had ample time to peruse markets full of stores selling fake Rolexes. I mean – literally – that’s all they sold. Fake watches. Painted on the windows it said “Genuine Fake Rolex.” I was intrigued.

I thought that this would finally be my chance to get something with the Rolex name on my wrist. As long as it looks real, that’s good enough for me. And for 60 euros, it’d be a steal.

Alas, it was not to be, for I returned home empty-handed.

I don’t know much about spotting fakes, but every watch I saw had telltake fakery all over it. Incorrect second-hand “action,” painted metal bands in place of true ceramic, even too-weak magnification for dates. All the signs were there and I couldn’t bring myself to buy something so poorly made.

When I got home I started scouring the Internet to see what my options were. I was shocked and awed.

Fake watches (or ‘replicas’) are graded on a five-point system. “Grade 5″ watches are usually made in China, cost around $60, are made cheaply and crappily, and wouldn’t fool a blind man. They’re most likely what I saw all over Turkey.

“Grade 1″ replica watches are made in Switzerland and are (according to the Internet) indistinguishable from the real thing. They also cost – get this – about a thousand dollars. One thousand dollars. For a fake watch.

$1000 for a fake watch is about $850 more than I think I’d want to pay.

I’ve given up on my dream for now. Maybe someday the stars will align and I’ll know someone who knows someone who can get me a deal. Maybe.